Counting Down to Surgery

This is an excerpt from my personal blog from before Ethan's second surgery.


We are down to 2 days before Ethan's lip and nose repair, and I still don't think it has hit me yet. I don't know what exactly is supposed to be hitting me, but it seems like something should. I am always a little hesitant to talk a lot about how I'm feeling with all this (particularly on a blog), but it has helped me to hear other people's experiences through the cleft palate group on Yahoo! Groups here in Utah, so I'll share at least a little.

I think that I went through a lot of emotions between the time we found out that Ethan had a cleft and the time he was born, but since then I have really felt like things have been pretty normal overall. But I think that this surgery will be a bit harder, because I am slowly realizing that pretty soon I won't be seeing the same little face anymore.

I think that if Ethan were really sick and suffering already it would seem natural to have him go into surgery because it would only improve things. It's a little tougher taking my little guy in when he is so happy and doing so well; I almost feel like I'm inflicting it on him, even though I know it isn't really an option not to do it, and he really will be grateful his whole life that I did it. And compared with so many other conditions that exist, Ethan's is relatively mild, and we feel really grateful for that, too.

So I am bracing myself a little bit for whatever it is that I'm sure will hit me when we take him in on Thursday, taking a little extra time to be grateful and enjoy that wide little smile while we have it, and looking forward to all of this being overwith!